What is toxic positivity?

Lift your head!”, “Don't be like that, put a smile on your face”, “Why are you sad? Why are you like that? ”… You may have heard or even spoken some of these phrases. Did you know that, despite their apparently positive tone, they can actually be quite harmful to the mental health of the listener?

This category of statement/question is what some holistic psychologists and therapists call toxic positivity.

Have you ever heard that expression?

Do you know what this is about? This article will explain this concept and justify why it can be so harmful in our daily lives.

What is toxic positivity?

There is no exact definition of what toxic positivity is, as it is a new concept. But, in a nutshell, we can say that this is a world view that does not allow for negative feelings, such as sadness, disappointment, frustration, fear, and any other feelings. Phrases of toxic positivity always have the meaning of denying the person who hears the “opportunity” to be sad, as if we had to always be happy and satisfied. Always having to be denying feelings other than the Positives. (Don't forget we're still living on a 3D planet)

"Avoiding suffering is a form of suffering," wrote American writer Mark Manson, author of the best-selling book "The Subtle Art of Turning the Fuck On." And he's right, as our emotions are there to be expressed. Otherwise, if they are “dammed”, they can “burst” at some point. Then comes the Shadow Effect, everything that you deny you are creating a shadow, until there is a moment when it comes to the surface to be seen. That is, if you're sad, ignore the “rule” that you can't be feeling that way, and you are—life allows, and so-called negative feelings can ultimately do us good and promote growth.

In the book The shadow effect

Book by Debbie Ford, Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson

Explain in detail about this, taking the best advantage and feeling our shadows, because everything has its duality, Light - Shadow, Cold - Hot, Love - Hate.

Toxic Positivity or Optimism?

A lot of people confuse optimism with toxic positivity, but the truth is, they are very different things, especially at the exact point in which these two postures view sadness.

Toxic positivity.

The one who acts with toxic positivity denies the negative feelings, acts as if they don't exist, as if happiness and joy are the only positive states, that other feelings are wrong to feel, people who start their journey and study holistic, face it right away, being positive always, not accepting and not wanting feelings other than constant Joy and happiness. There you enter a great paradigm of understanding and denying.

Understanding is: knowing that this feeling exists, knowing that it is part of you and knowing that it is wanting to show something, don't deny it, feel that feeling and then let it go. (In the book The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle talks a lot about feeling and letting go, and always staying in the now)

The optimist, in turn, recognizes the negative situation, but believes that it will be possible to get out of it or that there are more positives than negatives, the optimist knows that everything will be all right in the end, because he has his faith in it and knows that the greatest good is to come.

The Optimistic feeling is the closest feeling to divine LOVE, it is in feeling a feeling of sadness, anger, fatigue, but you know that this is temporary and that the greatest good is to come, is in having the knowledge even if unconsciously of RELEASING, you know that everything is fine and let the UNIVERSE do its job.

Many books and teachings speak a lot about this, but in many other words.

Being optimistic, knows that in the end everything will work out, because it is in GOD's hands.

So telling someone, “It's going to be okay” depends a lot on how you're approaching that person's feelings. Have you heard her talk about what bothers her? Sometimes that's what this person is needing to listen to, speak out loud what is bothering them, and express all the feelings tied up in their chest.

And, justify your optimistic statement at the end to show that it hasn't worked out yet because the end hasn't come yet, because EVERYTHING works out in the end. Don't just say an empty “it's going to be okay” without any arguments to help you think and feel more positivity, faith and optimism.

A great Brazilian medium today, already on the spiritual plane.

Chico Xavier had a phrase placed in his room that said.

EVERYTHING WILL CALM DOWN.

How does toxic positivity affect us?

We live in a society that leaves no room for weakness. Feeling sad, bereft, unmotivated, frustrated is giving way to negative feelings—and there's nothing wrong with that! Nobody is happy or sad all the time. So it should be normal to have space to manifest the negative emotions that sometimes come over us. (We still need to experience feelings present in 3D)

The “repression” of negative feelings often starts with ourselves, that is, without outside interference. When we feel bad, we automatically feel guilty, as if we don't have the right to be feeling something negative—it's the toxic positivity rooted deep inside each of us, preventing us from making room for sadness, for example.

Then comes high sabotage, very strong in us, commanded by our subconscious with rooted information that we cannot feel sad, angry, fearful, envy...

When these feelings surface, feel and let go.

In addition, it hurts even more when we muster the courage to expose what we're feeling or thinking, but we hear the person we're talking to diminish what we're going through and make superficial statements, such as "No, it won't be like this", "This will pass" or “Everything will stay,” offering absolutely no help other than an empty and seemingly positive sentence.

There is a teaching of several enlightened masters who say the following.

That silence is a prayer.

If you can't help, be silent, just sending vibrations of love and light to the person.

Toxic positivity, therefore, is one of the worst traps we can fall into. Especially since, as explained, it often comes from us, when we silence our voice and think that we cannot consider our feelings and our emotions. And every time they end up “escaping”, they translate into guilt and discomfort. (The shadow showing itself and giving a sign that it is present.)

May we, more and more, keep in mind that feeling bad and having bad days or phases is common. I have it, you have it, everyone will have it sometime in their lives. May sadness not be a reason for fear, guilt or shame for anyone! The importance of also experiencing bad feelings.

The importance of also experiencing bad feelings.

Because we are raised in this society that imposes the search for happiness as the only possible way and that installs this guilt in us when we recognize for ourselves or someone that we are sad, we see sadness and bad feelings as things that should be avoided at all costs, or they shouldn't even be being felt—which makes us miss out on a huge potential that negative emotions have.

Think of all the positive changes you've made in your life: they came out of some nuisance, right? Think about the lessons you learned and the mistakes you failed to make because of them: this was only possible because you went through negative situations, embraced yourself and learned, right?

Feelings that are said to be "BAD" they are not really perfect it is through them that we learn that we evolve, and change our lives to a higher state of conscious awareness.

Eckhart Tolle was through a feeling of pure anguish and anxiety that he reached his enlightenment, putting an end to the feelings "disconnected" to LOVE. (Nothing is disconnected from love, even the feelings of anxiety and sadness, everything is perfect the way it is). And many people who have enlightened have said the same thing that it was through this feeling of sadness, anxiety, fear that they were able to make that transition, into an enlightened state of consciousness. Finally, we can give infinite examples to show that we should not run away from negative feelings, but rather live them, just as we live positive ones. Life doesn't just happen when we are happy and positive. The bad moments are part of it and, although we cannot adopt a posture of accepting sadness and conforming to it, neither can we deny its existence and try to “run” to get out of the situation in which we find ourselves.

“This emotional mix encompasses unregulated emotions such as sadness, frustration, anger, anxiety or envy. We cannot ignore that, as human beings, we have that range of emotions that are useful and that give us information about what happens in our environment and in our body"

Don't ignore your sadness. Be welcoming to learn from her!

Take your time, be patient with yourself and learn what you can from bad situations, thoughts and emotions. Think about it: the world is naturally too cruel to you, so be a safe haven for yourself, not someone who hurts you even more.

I was once studying and listening to some videos about quantum mechanics, and I heard something very interesting.

That when the UNIVERSE shows something that soon comes the feeling of "Envy" it's just showing. Hey... Look, look... This is already available for you, thank you.

So every feeling that comes Thanks YOU because he is wanting to show you something, feel it and let it go, don't hold it in your life.

In an OSHO book, he says something that was very impressive and wonderful to me.

See EVERYTHING in your life as borrowed, when it comes to your life Give thanks, and when it leaves, let it go, with love and gratitude.

Toxic people.

It is not always possible to avoid living with people who deny you the right to be sad and also make you feel sad, hurt, rejected... these statements full of toxic positivity and negativity.

If you notice that there is such a relationship in your life, cut ties with this person, who probably doesn't want your good. Or if you want is not getting to express in the best way possible. If you can't break ties—or if you don't want to—have a frank conversation with this person and tell them that you express yourself to them for help and comfort, not even more discomfort from being sad.

In one of his Books, which is very interesting and which helped me a lot about Neville Goddart, he talks about it, about getting away and covering your ears for people who may be harming your mental state, whether with toxic positivity, or the negativism. (Don't forget you are the most important person in your life.)

And finally, aren't you a toxic person to yourself? Have you allowed yourself to feel the negative inside you? Has it been welcomed or has it produced even more guilt, discomfort and sadness? Remember that you are the most important person in your life... No one can take care of you as well as yourself. I AM Erika Mourão Cireia, temporarily Human, and my mission here is to help.

I AM LOVE NAMASTE.