Shadow Effect: what is it and how to deal?

The Shadow Effect is an expression that we use to define our darker side and has already been worked on by several authors such as Deepak Shopra, Debbie Ford and also in psychology with Carl Jung.

The shadow

To understand the shadow effect we need to know what our shadow is.

Shadow is a set of feelings, thoughts, defects and hidden characteristics that we have and end up repressing because we don't like what they represent or because we think it's ugly. What makes us hide them from society.

We don't want to see our shadow, nor do we want to deal with it, because it is too painful or complex. Therefore, we create a social mask, which is what we present to others and makes us look more pleasant in their eyes.

Our shadow is made up of thoughts, emotions and impulses that can be so painful or embarrassing that they become too difficult to accept.

What causes the shadow effect.

The mask over the shadow

The shadows were born when we were very young, children. We received a message that something in us was not good, that is, there was something wrong. Like a computer virus, information was received by our mind and settled there. This changed our perception of ourselves and we ended up living in denial.

With that, we created a persona that could be more accepted in the eyes of others to guarantee our space. Many of us have a public life and a “secret” life.

We work hard to feel good, but seconds later we are sabotaging. For example, you spend hours at the gym, but when you get home you can't resist the chocolate cake in the fridge.

Often what we deny in ourselves, we end up seeing in others and casting our shadow on them, condemning and repressing them. In this way, we throw parts of our obscurity on others and put on a mask.

An example, may be a person who condemns homosexuality, many times that is inside him in an obscure way and he is so scared, that he ends up having prejudice attitudes and wears the mask of "Macho Alpha" or "Bully".

We use our masks to try to get what we want and they can be different, the good, the charming, the intellectual, the sensual, the funny, the tough, the dear and so on ... What's yours?

The masks hide a wounded ego so that we can feel accepted. We believe that the mask will bring us the love we hope for. However, one hour it emerges somehow. Be it in our most hidden acts, in our perversions or in the projections we make in others.

None of us likes to admit that we have defects, flaws and insecurities. Usually the one who oppresses the most is the one who has the most difficulty dealing with their shadows. Thus being a form of expression of the shadow effect.

Everything we reject an hour comes up.

Think of a beach ball, you can sink it in the pool and hold it for a while, but try to be careless and let go. What happens? It will emerge with force, right? She will hit her right in the face.

This is what happens to us in the shadow effect.

Each beach ball is our fear, our anger, our trauma, our selfishness, pride, in short, our darkest feelings. How many beach balls do we try to leave submerged, right? Difficult to control so many at the same time, right?

Suddenly you see that family man assaulted his wife, a man getting involved in a traffic fight and that friend who gets involved with drugs. They were probably unable to control their beach balls.

If we are not aware of our shadows, they take us by surprise. And the more we try to repress them, the stronger it will be when they surface.

The shadows must come out, they must be released.

If you don't use your eyeshadow she'll use you.

Life is a great contrast, it varies between light and shadow all the time. One day is happy, the other is in pain. Every life is based on opposite events, sadness, joy, love, anger and so on ... The most important thing is to know how to use it for us.

Use your shadow to turn something bad into something good. If you don't use your shadow, it will end up using you. Remember that you need everything, good times, bad times, enemies, friends, opponents and empaths to be who you are. The best it can be.

"What we cannot live with, will not let us be whole." The shadow effect.

What confronts us, helps us to react, learn and move on. We managed to be both diabolical and sacred. Once you accept that, you can better deal with your shadow and seek harmony between you and it.

Without the shadow it would be impossible to create a creative impulse, innovate, learn and do differently.

Every aspect that we can see in the other, exists in us, be it good or bad. The people you hate represent something that exists in you and you don't recognize it.

Whatever we condemn or reject in others, it is ultimately a part that we choose to dishonor and reject in ourselves.

How do you know what courage is without first being afraid? How do you know what happiness is without feeling sad? How do you know if it's a day without going through the night?

We need to understand that the opposite is what gives meaning to all things. Your shadow is important.

What is projection?

Our shadow hides from itself. When we don't confront our obscurity, we end up projecting our unwanted aspects on others with each criticism, who hasn't said it once in their lives? "She is so vulgar", "He is very lazy", "She does everything wrong", these are things we say when casting our shadow.

We make projections unconsciously, without realizing the negative aspects in ourselves. When we react in this way, we become in fact the projection.

How do we know if we are designing or not? If we receive information and only process it as information, there is no projection, now if it affects us emotionally and we get nervous, we judge and feel discontented, there is a great risk that we are projecting.

Think of someone who irritates you, causes disgust. Think about everything you dislike about that person, pretend that he is right in front of him, get up, point a finger at him and say everything you hate about him out loud!

Made it up?

Now notice that the index finger points to it, the thumb will be pointed somewhere, but the other three fingers are pointed at you! This is projection!

We project on our mothers, children, friends, companions or public figures that we never had any contact with.

Dealing with the shadow.

The best way to deal with your shadow is to accept it, understand that it exists, understand the feeling it brings and let it go.

Use your shadow to boost positive thoughts and attitudes, try to think of how to make it positive in you. If you don't mind your shadow, it will mind you. If you resist, it will persist.

If your shadow takes care of you, it ends up creating a self-defeating pattern. Not accepting and expressing feelings affects us pathologically, causing cancer, body aches, obesity, among other diseases that lodge in our body, as a form of expression.

Emotions affect the cells and organs of our body.

Embrace who you really are.

Embrace who you really are and don't be ashamed of it.

It is easy to love us when we are feeling fabulous, everything is fine and happening as expected. The challenge is to love us when we are hurt, sad, in the midst of chaos or feeling abused in some way.

Embrace all the parts of you in which you feel the suffering for something lived and make peace.

Become aware of yourself. Often you may feel that you are alone, or that you have been wronged, or abandoned. In fact, we all feel that way at some point in life.

Remember that to be alive and to be human is to have challenges and everyone has already gone through some drama. What does not kill us serves to strengthen us. Otherwise, we wouldn't go through anything.

Extract what's positive about each experience. Experiences help to form us, learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness, see the world with new eyes, be able to start over and do things differently.

Stop clinging to suffering! The gold we seek is in our shadow.

Forgive and free yourself!

Forgiveness must reach your heart before it reaches your mind. You can't move on unless you forgive.

Try to start by forgiving yourself, for feeling whatever it is, for hiding, for being silent and not being perfect. You have a light, which is yours and an essence full of love, accept it.

Realize that everything in your life is an opportunity for growth. Anyway, get well with your shadow and celebrate it!

To learn more, watch the documentary “The shadow effect”! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcfbxbihSsQ&t=12s